1. "But I promise y’all tonight, as I stand here, 37-years-old, this is only the beginning. This is only the beginning … Because in all honesty, I’m not gonna lie to y’all right now, this might not come off as humble, but I’m gonna tell y’all the truth. I ain’t concerned about nobody that’s actually living. I know people get mad at me when I compare myself, but that’s the only way I can explain what my aspirations are. When I’m talkin’ ‘bout Walt Disney, when I’m talkin’ ‘bout Howard Hughes, when I’m talkin’ ‘bout Henry Ford, when I’m talkin’ ‘bout Beethoven, when I talk about Mozart, when I talk about Shakespeare, and they all had their time on this earth. And I’m only 37. And right now I’m rockin’ to 90,000, and y’all motherfuckers right now. So I ain’t goin’ at anybody on the radio. I’m goin’ after Shakespeare. I’m goin’ after Walt Disney. I’m going after Howard Hughes. I’m going after David Stern. I’m goin’ after Henry Ford. I’m going after Elon Musk. Okay, he is living, but he’s my boy. Whether you believe it or not … you can only achieve as high as you believe. You can only achieve as high as you believe … And just like Martin had a dream, and just like Kendrick had a dream. I believe in everything. I believe in anything. You can only believe … I can only stand here when I been fucked up so many times. Fucked up so many times … And I know that I ain’t perfect. But everything I’m not makes me everything I am."

  2. "You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly"

    You’re the reason I’m a-ridin’ around on recapped tires
    And you’re the reason I’m hangin’ our clothes outside on wires
    And you’re the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin’
    But looks ain’t evrythin’ and money ain’t evrythin’
    But I love you just the same

    But you’re the reason I’ve changed to beer from soda pop
    And you’re the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop
    You’re the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin’
    But looks ain’t evrythin’ and money ain’t everythin’
    But I love you just the same

    I guess that we won’t ever have everything we need
    'Cause when we get ahead it's got another mouth to feed

    And that’s the reason that my good looks and figure is gone
    And that’s the reason that I ain’t got no hair to comb
    And you’re the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin’
    But looks ain’t evrythin’ and money ain’t everythin’
    But I love you just the same

    Conway, why in the devil don’t you go
    And shave and put on a clean pair of pants?
    But Loretta, look at yourself now I wish you’d take them
    Curlers out of your hair and go put on a little makeup
    And get out of that housecoat before supper

    Well let me tell you something, Conway,
    Considerin’ everythin’ that I went through today
    I look like a movie star yeah, Ruth Buzzie thank you
    Besides that, all our kids took after your part of the family, anyway
    Oh they did? What about the ones that’s bald?
    Well, I guess you could say they take after me


  3. "Tight Fittin’ Jeans"

    She tried to hide it by the faded denim clothes she wore
    But I knew she’d never been inside a bar before
    And I felt like a peasant who just had met a queen
    And she knew I saw right through her tight fittin’ jeans

    I ask her what’s a woman like you doin’ here
    I see you’re use to champagne but I’ll buy you a beer
    She said you’ve got me figured out but I’m not what I seem
    And for a dance I’ll tell you ‘bout these tight fittin’ jeans

    She said I married money, I’m use to wearin’ pearls
    But I’ve always dreamed of bein’ just a good ol’ boys girl
    So tonight I left those crystal candle lights to live a dream
    And partner, there’s a tiger in these tight fittin’ jeans

    We danced every dance and Lord the beer that we went through
    I’m satisfied I did my best to make her dream come true
    As she played out her fantasy before my eyes it seemed
    A cowgirl came alive inside those tight fittin’ jeans

    In my mind she’s still a lady that’s all I’m gonna say
    I knew that I’d been broken by the time we parted way
    And I know I held more woman than most eyes have ever seen
    That night I knew a lady wearin’ tight fittin’ jeans

    Well now she’s back in her world and I’m still stuck in mine
    But I know I’ll always remember the time
    A cowboy once had a millionaire’s dream
    And Lord I love that lady wearin’ tight fittin’ jeans


  4. ALERT (yawn):

    Kimway weds

    Two jackasses got married in Italy Saturday.

    Sex-tape star Kim Kardashian wed egotist Conway Twitty in a wedding opulent enough for Florence’s Medici dynasty and tacky enough for reality TV.

    They were betrothed at Florence’s 16th-century Fort di Belvedere castle. Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle.

    The Republic still stands.

    Post Wire Services

  6. "Our love story’s a love story for the ages. I felt like when we first got together, it was like a Romeo and Juliet kinda thing where it’s like she’s a reality star and I’m a rapper."

  7. She said Conway can we get married at the mall?
    I said look you need to crawl ‘fore you ball
    Come and meet me in the bathroom stall
    And show me why you deserve to have it all
    B-ball so hard
    That shit cray, Ain’t it Jay?
    B-ball so hard
    What she order, fish filet
    B-ball so hard
    Your whip so cold, this old thing
    Ball so hard
    Act like you’ll ever be around muhfuckas
    Like this again
    Bougie girl, grab her hand
    Fuck that bitch she don’t wanna dance
    Excuse my French but I’m in France (I’m just sayin)
    Prince William’s ain’t do it right if you ask me
    Cause if I was him I would have married Kate & Ashley
    What’s Gucci my nigga?
    What’s Louie my killa?
    What’s drugs my deala?
    What’s that jacket, Margiela?
    Doctors say I’m the illest
    Cause I’m suffering from realness
    Got my niggas in Paris
    And they going gorillas, huh!

  8. Paris

  9. "I would not be here if it was not for a Roca Fella chain. If it wasn’t for Johnny’s blessing and his co-sign and his protection when I was in Memphis, dolo… I would not be here in the way that I am… Me as Conway Twitty, as a young revolutionary coming out of Arkansas, I would not have made it that far without Johnny Cash, my big brother, watching my back all the time."